Freddie Songbird Sings the Blues

“Good morning everyone. My name is, first name Freddy, second name Songbird, and today’s song is by the late, great and very legendary Sam Cooke, and it’s called “a change gonna come”. I’m sure all of us agree that we need a change in the world situation today. Anyway, it goes a little something like this…”
♫ I was born by the river in a little town, and I’ve been running ever since… ♫
“Help a brother out, if you can.”
♫ It’s been a little while… But I know a change gon’ come ♫
“Now, remember, ladies and gentlemen, this is a day that lord has made and you should rejoice and be glad in it. Tomorrow aint never guaranteed. You know that it wasn’t your alarm clock that woke you up this morning. Your alarm clock had nothing to do with it. It was the good Lord telling you to rise and praise his name. When I was a drug addict, I was a shadow of the man you see in front of you today, but I learned that if god gives you a gift he does not take it back. My gift is my voice and he never took it back even when I was hittin’ the pipe. Yeah, you can lose it yourself, but the good lord never gives you his blessin’ only to take it back. Ladies and gentlemen, sometimes the truth hurts.”
– Freddy Songbird on the F train in Brooklyn

It’s Hard Out Here for a Poet

“I aint no Robert Forster or William Shakespeare but if you enjoy poetry I think you’d like my book of New York poems, priced at $10, DVD priced at $8. It contains such fascinating poems as, “Don’t beat your children or they’ll turn out like me”, “if you don’t make time for your girlfriend during the week, she’ll be hard to find at the weekend” and “what’s the quickest way to Riker’s Island?”.


Introducing Mista Smoke

“Hello New York and all you hop-hop lovers! My name is Mista Smoke and I’d like to introduce you to Mista Smoke – music by four college-educated rappers. We don’t degrade women, promote guns or drugs. 4 songs are $1, 13 songs are $5. We’re also on iTunes and facebook. If you only remember one thing that happened to you today, remember Mista Smoke: no blinging, no lying and no dying. God is my witness. Word is born.

Mista Smoke hawks his tunes.

What Would You Be?

A pair of teenagers:

“If you wasn’t black, what would you be?”

“I’d be Spanish ’cause I like rice and beans.”

“Word. I’d be Italian.”

“Why? ‘Cause you thinks youse gangsta?

“Yeaah! Bed-Stuy mafia, n—a!”

“Bullshit, I think you’d be uh, uh, uh, Japanese!”

“What? Why?”

“‘Cause you’s mad fat like one of them sumo wrestlers, ha ha!

Smells Like Hot Soup

“I was stood next to this guy this morning and he smelled nasty like he had just had some hot soup.”
“He was breathing on you?”
“Nah, well, I guess, but mostly he just smelled like hot soup.”
“What’s so bad about that? ‘Least it wasn’t garlic or something!”
“It’s nasty, girl! Who has hot soup for breakfast?!”

Washington, D.C.: It’s Really Nice

“Yo man, we got to get outta here.”

“Yeah man, I’ve been thinking that for a while. It’s too busy and hectic here.”

“I been in New York all my life but I’m done with it, man. Gotta  get out.”

Where to though? It’s just same in Jersey – n—-as be shootin’ each other there all the time too.”

“I was in D.C. recently, man, visiting this sweet honey I met online for the first time. Oh man, it’s real nice out there man. Real nice!”

“Oh yeah, what’s it like?”

“Oh man, it’s real , real nice. I mean, really, really nice out there. You gotta go see it for yourself. Oh man, is it nice out there!”

Stop Fidgeting Shonay, Part 2

Same couple as in an earlier post to their young daughter who is fidgeting in her seat.

Father: “This lil’ n—a crazy! She crazy just like you!”

Mother: “All these kids be crazy. She learning all this from the ‘hood. Shonay don’t appreciate nothing anymore. Not me, not you, not that ball she have, not no gum I bought her neither.”

Father: “Hmm. Remember wassa name? Um, you know, the one that’s dead.”

Mother: “Who? Yo cousin’s shawty, Khalifa? The one that got shot?”

Father: “Nah, wassa name… uh, uh, uh, Princess Di?”

Mother: “What?! Where the fuck that come from? Shonay be a crazy-ass cuz a you, n—a!”

Hot & Schweaty

Two young men:

“Hey, you know when it gets real hot and the sweat drips down your back and, like, uh, uh, gets all wet in your drawers?”

“Yeah! It be like that today, yo. Hot as hell, man!”

“You ever think that happens to females too?”

“Yeah, ‘course it does, and a lot too. It get all caught up in they booty!”

“I get it. Is that why they wear those thongs in the summer, then? So it drain off quicker?”

Unique Choice of Baby Name

Two women in their forties or fifties chatting to one another:

“Who’s this little cutie? (looking at a picture on a phone)”

“Oh, this is my little grand-daughter, Atari!”

“Her name is Atari? How do you spell that?”

“Just like it sounds: A-T-A-R-I”

“Like the video game console from the ’80s?”

“Like the what?”


Luis Gives His Mom a Lesson in Thermodynamics

“Luis! What the f–k are you doing?”

“What mom? I’m eating my icey”

“I told you to stop sucking on that thing ’cause it be meltin’, and now look at it! It’s everywhere – all sticky and shit!”

“But mom, if I wasn’t sucking on it, it’d be leaking out worse!”

“How you figure that, stupid? If you didn’t be sucking on it, it’d still be frozen!”

“But mom, it aint my fault. That’s just the way icey’s melt, yo. It’s hot on the subway!”

“Don’t you dare f–kin’ talk back to me, Luis!”

Stop Fidgeting Shonay! Part 1

Couple to their young daughter who is fidgeting in her seat:

“Go sit yo’ ass down and don’t be fishin’ in yo’ pocket fo’ no gum! You already ate three pieces and a bag of cheetos. You ‘aint gettin’ no’ mo’ treats, even if youse tryna front with that fallin’ down and hollarin’ act. That WUZ yo’ dinner. Youse just goin’ home and goin’ a bed!”