Career Assistance, Please

“Ladies and gentlemen, some o y’all know me and some o’ y’all don’t. My name is Jamal Simmons but I also go by the name of ‘New York’s Candy Man’. Candy is 50c each or 2 for $1, you do the math. The candy that I have is Welch’s fruit snacks. Anyone care to buy? Selling more candy means more candy for sale. If I could make a real livin’ outta this, I would. Help a brotha along with his career, wontcha?”

Shorty Smackin’

Two charming young men on the A train at Fulton Street, Manhattan:

“Yo, ma n—a be tellin me about this shorty he smackin’ wit'”
“Which n—a?”
“You know my n—a Rayvon, right?”
“Yeah, I know the n—a.”
“Well, he be sayin’ that he be smackin’ on like cloud 9 with this new shorty he got named Rhondelle. Doin’ all kinds o’ nasty shit wit’ her.”
“Aw snap, that n—a always talkin about ho’s he smackin’! He be frontin, yo, no doubt.”
“Na’ he aint, n—a! He for real. I know it. He be gettin’ it poppin’ a whole lot.”
“Oh yeah, how you know that for sure. You seen him wit’ her?”
“Nah, but ‘dat n—a don’t lie to me. We known each other for years!”
“Word, whatever man… Hey, wait, uh, uh, ‘aint yo’ cousin’s name Rhondelle?”