The French Paradox

“No, man, honestly, the casino in Monte Carlo was great. I walked in wearing a golf shirt and they were so happy to see me. I didn’t need to wear a suit at all.”

“Did you win any money?”

“No, I played a little black jack and lost like forty bucks and that kinda bummed me out so I left, but the croupier wanted me to keep playing. He kept calling me ‘monshure’ like I was some kind of high roller.”

“So, what else did you do in France?”

“We’ll, I had to go into a McDonalds, ya know, just to see what it was like. And let me tell you, the ones there aren’t nothing compared to ours. Our burgers are so much better, and you know what? Our French fries are better too! Can you imagine that?”

– two men on Jersey transit Trenton Express.

Have You Heard About The Black Coffee Diet?

“Everybody thinks they be able to lose weight just by eating broccoli and a ton of small meals. That ad up there say that ain’t true and that broccoli carbs be bad for you, and that small meals pack on the pounds. I already knew that shit, but I can’t drink black coffee. Even if it does help speed weightloss, it just taste nasty with no cream and sugar.”

“I hear you, but the only broccoli I eat be in that Chinese beef and broccoli, so I’m good.”

– two women discuss slimming tactics on the E train

Performance Enhancing Drugs for the Lazy?

“You know like when the Olympics on TV everybody always talking about doping and steroids they be taking to make theyselves faster?”
“Yeah. I don’t get it. Lance Armstrong be skin and bone. I can tell you he ain’t on no steroids.”
“Word. I think there also be folks who need steroids to make em go faster. Like that little Puerto Rican kid at the office, Jose. He does everything so slow I can’t believe he don’t fall asleep while he doing it.”
“Yeah you’re right. But I guess everybody in the Olympics already be doing things fast anyway.”
– two women waiting for the G train at Jay st/ Metrotech