Have You Heard About The Black Coffee Diet?

“Everybody thinks they be able to lose weight just by eating broccoli and a ton of small meals. That ad up there say that ain’t true and that broccoli carbs be bad for you, and that small meals pack on the pounds. I already knew that shit, but I can’t drink black coffee. Even if it does help speed weightloss, it just taste nasty with no cream and sugar.”

“I hear you, but the only broccoli I eat be in that Chinese beef and broccoli, so I’m good.”

– two women discuss slimming tactics on the E train

Chevy Chase vs Harry Potter

“Have you seen European vacation, you know the movie, with Chevy Chase?”
“No.”
“Well, anyway, there’s a scene in it when they’re in England going round and round on a roundabout and it’s hilarious. That happened to us one day while we were there. We were laughing about it and we even said Big Ben Parliament like ten times.”
“Oh. Didn’t you see any castles? I hear there are a ton of them over there.”
” Yes, we saw one, but what we enjoyed most was the Harry potter studios tour.”

– two women on the downtown 1 train

No Mo’ Stilettos

“… And they doing it cuz they want you to suffer. Why else would they do it like that? Shoe makers gotta all be men cause they make us wear those kinda shoes that make us suffer. It ain’t no accident men all be wearin comfy shoes and all us dumb bitches be falling around wearing crazy heels. I mean, I used to wear ’em so much that ruined my feet wearing’ ’em, so much that I can’t even wear shoes no more.”
– barefoot homeless woman at W4th on the B train explains her lack of footwear.

Performance Enhancing Drugs for the Lazy?

“You know like when the Olympics on TV everybody always talking about doping and steroids they be taking to make theyselves faster?”
“Yeah. I don’t get it. Lance Armstrong be skin and bone. I can tell you he ain’t on no steroids.”
“Word. I think there also be folks who need steroids to make em go faster. Like that little Puerto Rican kid at the office, Jose. He does everything so slow I can’t believe he don’t fall asleep while he doing it.”
“Yeah you’re right. But I guess everybody in the Olympics already be doing things fast anyway.”
– two women waiting for the G train at Jay st/ Metrotech