“Something smells sweet and nice, you know, like that guys nuts on the corner?”
“That’s what she said.”
– two women waiting for the L train
Sweet as a Nut
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Category Archives: inappropriate
With Fans Like This, Who Needs Enemies?
“Yo, Michael Vick is one pussy ass n—a!”
“Why you say that? I thought you liked the Eagles”
“‘Cause he always getting injured and shit.”
“I thought you was gonna say that it was because he let them put him in jail for just fighting’ them dogs.”
“Nah, I ain’t tryna care about no dogs.”
Magazines, Schmagazines…
“Why all these women’s magazines be about pleasing your man with the sex he craves? Everybody knows he just want you to be a slut and then cook his dinner.”
– woman on the C train
How to Get Elbow Room on the Subway #2
“Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to put the bodies.”
– man’s shirt at Jay St / Metrotech Brooklyn
“Bath salts made me do it.”
– woman’s shirt at Port Authority Bus Terminal
“Betty Ford clinic drop-out.”
– man’s shirt on D train at Prospect Ave, Brooklyn
Clothes Your Mama Chose
“Yo, I think British Knights be making a comeback. I seen a lot of n—-s wearin’ ’em recently.”
“Yeah, I remember when they was popular back in the ’80s. They was the hottest things for a while, like until Timberlands came along.”
“It was the ’90s not the 80s.”
“Nah, it aint. I been wearin’ Timberlands since the ’80s, for real.”
“Shut up! You was like 9 back in 1989. You was wearin’ some lame ass shoes your mama chose.”
“Punk bitches like you still wearin’ shit your mama chose.”
– two young men on the D train in Brooklyn
The Sign Read “homeless, hungry & pregnant”
“did you see that homeless person with the sign at the entrance?”
“yeah, I’ve seen quite a few with signs since we arrived.”
“well, it made me wonder where these hungry and homeless people are having sex. I mean can you imagine stumbling upon them while they’re at it?!”
–
Pair of English women on the R train
What are those Spanish Ads Saying?
Two older gentlemen on the R train in Brooklyn:
“See all them ads in Spanish on the platform? They really annoy me.”
“Why? ‘Cause you don’t know Spanish?”
“Yeah, but mainly ’cause I think they’re saying something like ‘Don’t buy this crap we sell the black folks’, buy somethin’ else that’s better.’”
“You really think that’s what they saying?”
“I don’t know, maybe, but they look different and I bet they are saying something different. I don’t know why they don’t just translate the same ads we can read.”
“I know what you’re saying, but white people see them same ads we do in English.”
“Yeah, but they ‘aint tryna’ buy Fubu or Akademiks or eatin’ at Dallas Barbecue.”
Brandon: Better Straight Than Gay?
Two women on the uptown F platform at 23rd Street:
“Seriously, like, the more you hang out with Brandon the straighter he gets!”
“Oh, I know, totally! But it is a good thing?”
From the Mouths of Babes…
Seven-year-old to his mother:
“Mommy, why is that Chinese woman carrying her trash on to the train?”
“They are called recyclables, my dear.”
“Ok, so why is that recyclable bringing her trash on to the train?”
One of These Days…
Conductor, A train, at Jay Street/Metrotech, Brooklyn, to a packed train as he struggles to get the doors closed:
“One of these days you gonna get your leg caught and the train’s gonna drag you down the platform, and you can’t blame transit for it.”
Shorty Smackin’
Two charming young men on the A train at Fulton Street, Manhattan:
“Yo, ma n—a be tellin me about this shorty he smackin’ wit'”
“Which n—a?”
“You know my n—a Rayvon, right?”
“Yeah, I know the n—a.”
“Well, he be sayin’ that he be smackin’ on like cloud 9 with this new shorty he got named Rhondelle. Doin’ all kinds o’ nasty shit wit’ her.”
“Aw snap, that n—a always talkin about ho’s he smackin’! He be frontin, yo, no doubt.”
“Na’ he aint, n—a! He for real. I know it. He be gettin’ it poppin’ a whole lot.”
“Oh yeah, how you know that for sure. You seen him wit’ her?”
“Nah, but ‘dat n—a don’t lie to me. We known each other for years!”
“Word, whatever man… Hey, wait, uh, uh, ‘aint yo’ cousin’s name Rhondelle?”
Close Your Legs!
“Just close yo’ legs, goddamnit! I am not in the mood today for this shit! I swear to God. When I sat down there was room and then you decide to spread out yo’ thighs. Just close yo’ legs, you fat muthaf—ers!”
– there’s never enough room on the subway
How to Get Elbow Room on the Subway
“I have multiple personalities and none of them like you.”
– some old dude’s shirt
“Stay back. I’m allergic to stupid.”
– kid’s shirt
Who Says Young People These Days are Apathetic?
A variety of message tees worn by under-25s as seen on the subway:
“It’s not that I forget, it’s that I don’t care.”
“News flash: I don’t care.”
“I wouldn’t f—k you for practice.”
What Would You Be?
A pair of teenagers:
“If you wasn’t black, what would you be?”
“I’d be Spanish ’cause I like rice and beans.”
“Word. I’d be Italian.”
“Why? ‘Cause you thinks youse gangsta?
“Yeaah! Bed-Stuy mafia, n—a!”
“Bullshit, I think you’d be uh, uh, uh, Japanese!”
“What? Why?”
“‘Cause you’s mad fat like one of them sumo wrestlers, ha ha!
Stop Fidgeting Shonay, Part 2
Same couple as in an earlier post to their young daughter who is fidgeting in her seat.
Father: “This lil’ n—a crazy! She crazy just like you!”
Mother: “All these kids be crazy. She learning all this from the ‘hood. Shonay don’t appreciate nothing anymore. Not me, not you, not that ball she have, not no gum I bought her neither.”
Father: “Hmm. Remember wassa name? Um, you know, the one that’s dead.”
Mother: “Who? Yo cousin’s shawty, Khalifa? The one that got shot?”
Father: “Nah, wassa name… uh, uh, uh, Princess Di?”
Mother: “What?! Where the fuck that come from? Shonay be a crazy-ass cuz a you, n—a!”
Biggest D–k on the Train
Teenage son to his father:
“Dad, don’t you care that your fly is down?”
“Only if someone else on the train has a bigger d–k.”
“Oh my god, Dad! I hate you!”