The French Paradox

“No, man, honestly, the casino in Monte Carlo was great. I walked in wearing a golf shirt and they were so happy to see me. I didn’t need to wear a suit at all.”

“Did you win any money?”

“No, I played a little black jack and lost like forty bucks and that kinda bummed me out so I left, but the croupier wanted me to keep playing. He kept calling me ‘monshure’ like I was some kind of high roller.”

“So, what else did you do in France?”

“We’ll, I had to go into a McDonalds, ya know, just to see what it was like. And let me tell you, the ones there aren’t nothing compared to ours. Our burgers are so much better, and you know what? Our French fries are better too! Can you imagine that?”

– two men on Jersey transit Trenton Express.

Clothes Your Mama Chose

“Yo, I think British Knights be making a comeback. I seen a lot of n—-s wearin’ ’em recently.”
“Yeah, I remember when they was popular back in the ’80s. They was the hottest things for a while, like until Timberlands came along.”
“It was the ’90s not the 80s.”
“Nah, it aint. I been wearin’ Timberlands since the ’80s, for real.”
“Shut up! You was like 9 back in 1989. You was wearin’ some lame ass shoes your mama chose.”
“Punk bitches like you still wearin’ shit your mama chose.”

– two young men on the D train in Brooklyn

What are those Spanish Ads Saying?

Two older gentlemen on the R train in Brooklyn:

“See all them ads in Spanish on the platform? They really annoy me.”

“Why? ‘Cause you don’t know Spanish?”

“Yeah, but mainly ’cause I think they’re saying something like ‘Don’t buy this crap we sell the black folks’, buy somethin’ else that’s better.’

“You really think that’s what they saying?”

“I don’t know, maybe, but they look different and I bet they are saying something different. I don’t know why they don’t just translate the same ads we can read.”

“I know what you’re saying, but white people see them same ads we do in English.”

“Yeah, but they ‘aint tryna’ buy Fubu or Akademiks or eatin’ at Dallas Barbecue.”

Celebrity Beef

Two young men on the E train:

“Hey, you heard about that show where celebrities that got beef with each other go on and fight?”
“Yeah, it looks funny, man.”
“Yeah, it does. If you was a celebrity on that show, who would you fight?”
“I don’t know, maybe Riddick Bowe or Mike Tyson.”
“What? Why? They both be boxers and be beatin’ you down so hard you’d be dead in like five seconds!”
“Nah, they be old as hell now. I think I have a chance. Who’d you fight?”
“Ha, ha. I’d fight you, n—a, ’cause you so dumb about beating Mike Tyson, I gotta be able to kick yo’ ass!”

Washington, D.C.: It’s Really Nice

“Yo man, we got to get outta here.”

“Yeah man, I’ve been thinking that for a while. It’s too busy and hectic here.”

“I been in New York all my life but I’m done with it, man. Gotta¬† get out.”

Where to though? It’s just same in Jersey – n—-as be shootin’ each other there all the time too.”

“I was in D.C. recently, man, visiting this sweet honey I met online for the first time. Oh man, it’s real nice out there man. Real nice!”

“Oh yeah, what’s it like?”

“Oh man, it’s real , real nice. I mean, really, really nice out there. You gotta go see it for yourself. Oh man, is it nice out there!”

Hot & Schweaty

Two young men:

“Hey, you know when it gets real hot and the sweat drips down your back and, like, uh, uh, gets all wet in your drawers?”

“Yeah! It be like that today, yo. Hot as hell, man!”

“You ever think that happens to females too?”

“Yeah, ‘course it does, and a lot too. It get all caught up in they booty!”

“I get it. Is that why they wear those thongs in the summer, then? So it drain off quicker?”

Interior Designers

“Now that my roommate left, I’m redecorating my apartment.”

“Oh yeah? That’s awesome!”

“Yeah, living in an off-white world got me depressed and feeling all repressed and hetero.”

“So what color scheme are you going for?”

“Um, I’m not sure yet, but definitely something strong and masculine.”