Straight Trippin’

“Hey, are you okay, young man? Those steps are totally stupid – the way they’re laid out, aren’t they? You think you’re on the last one and then there’s another. It’s so stupid!”

“Thanks for your concern, ma’am, but it’s not the steps. I’m wearing my dad’s shoes today, and they’re too big for me, so I’ve been tripping over stuff all day.”

– momish lady and teenager, F train, 4th Ave and 9th St, Brooklyn

What Would You Be?

A pair of teenagers:

“If you wasn’t black, what would you be?”

“I’d be Spanish ’cause I like rice and beans.”

“Word. I’d be Italian.”

“Why? ‘Cause you thinks youse gangsta?

“Yeaah! Bed-Stuy mafia, n—a!”

“Bullshit, I think you’d be uh, uh, uh, Japanese!”

“What? Why?”

“‘Cause you’s mad fat like one of them sumo wrestlers, ha ha!

Stop Fidgeting Shonay, Part 2

Same couple as in an earlier post to their young daughter who is fidgeting in her seat.

Father: “This lil’ n—a crazy! She crazy just like you!”

Mother: “All these kids be crazy. She learning all this from the ‘hood. Shonay don’t appreciate nothing anymore. Not me, not you, not that ball she have, not no gum I bought her neither.”

Father: “Hmm. Remember wassa name? Um, you know, the one that’s dead.”

Mother: “Who? Yo cousin’s shawty, Khalifa? The one that got shot?”

Father: “Nah, wassa name… uh, uh, uh, Princess Di?”

Mother: “What?! Where the fuck that come from? Shonay be a crazy-ass cuz a you, n—a!”

Unique Choice of Baby Name

Two women in their forties or fifties chatting to one another:

“Who’s this little cutie? (looking at a picture on a phone)”

“Oh, this is my little grand-daughter, Atari!”

“Her name is Atari? How do you spell that?”

“Just like it sounds: A-T-A-R-I”

“Like the video game console from the ’80s?”

“Like the what?”

 

Stop Fidgeting Shonay! Part 1

Couple to their young daughter who is fidgeting in her seat:

“Go sit yo’ ass down and don’t be fishin’ in yo’ pocket fo’ no gum! You already ate three pieces and a bag of cheetos. You ‘aint gettin’ no’ mo’ treats, even if youse tryna front with that fallin’ down and hollarin’ act. That WUZ yo’ dinner. Youse just goin’ home and goin’ a bed!”