look mama, I’m standing on the seat!”
“what did I tell you about standing the seat?”
“you said not to but you also told me not to touch anything with my hands so I’m using my feet.”
– smart ass kid on the 2 train
Tag Archives: kids
From the Mouths of Babes…
Seven-year-old to his mother:
“Mommy, why is that Chinese woman carrying her trash on to the train?”
“They are called recyclables, my dear.”
“Ok, so why is that recyclable bringing her trash on to the train?”
Don’t Shoot!
Man to his wife:
“Stop putting a gun to my head about the mother f–er! I can’t do nothing about the kid if he don’t wanna wear no pants!”
What Would You Be?
A pair of teenagers:
“If you wasn’t black, what would you be?”
“I’d be Spanish ’cause I like rice and beans.”
“Word. I’d be Italian.”
“Why? ‘Cause you thinks youse gangsta?
“Yeaah! Bed-Stuy mafia, n—a!”
“Bullshit, I think you’d be uh, uh, uh, Japanese!”
“What? Why?”
“‘Cause you’s mad fat like one of them sumo wrestlers, ha ha!
Reading Backwards
Kid to his distracted mother:
“Mommy, why is that man reading his book backwards?”
“Oh, I don’t know, probably because he’s Jewish, honey.”
“I don’t get it. Can’t Jews read forwards?”
Stop Fidgeting Shonay, Part 2
Same couple as in an earlier post to their young daughter who is fidgeting in her seat.
Father: “This lil’ n—a crazy! She crazy just like you!”
Mother: “All these kids be crazy. She learning all this from the ‘hood. Shonay don’t appreciate nothing anymore. Not me, not you, not that ball she have, not no gum I bought her neither.”
Father: “Hmm. Remember wassa name? Um, you know, the one that’s dead.”
Mother: “Who? Yo cousin’s shawty, Khalifa? The one that got shot?”
Father: “Nah, wassa name… uh, uh, uh, Princess Di?”
Mother: “What?! Where the fuck that come from? Shonay be a crazy-ass cuz a you, n—a!”
Luis Gives His Mom a Lesson in Thermodynamics
“Luis! What the f–k are you doing?”
“What mom? I’m eating my icey”
“I told you to stop sucking on that thing ’cause it be meltin’, and now look at it! It’s everywhere – all sticky and shit!”
“But mom, if I wasn’t sucking on it, it’d be leaking out worse!”
“How you figure that, stupid? If you didn’t be sucking on it, it’d still be frozen!”
“But mom, it aint my fault. That’s just the way icey’s melt, yo. It’s hot on the subway!”
“Don’t you dare f–kin’ talk back to me, Luis!”