“Oh my gawd, there’s this pharmacy at the next stop that I love. It’s such a fun little pharmacy!”
Fun Pharmacy?
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Invisible Marquise
“Who ‘dis giant-ass n—a and where’d he come from?”
“Oh, that’s my brother Marquise. He’s six feet eight and he’s been here the whole time.”
Texan Tourist Has Trouble with NYC Street Grid
“If there’s a West 4th Street, does that mean East 4th runs the other way?”
Blind Leading the Blind
“See that guy over there with the sunglasses on?”
“Yeah, I see him. So what?”
“He be blind.”
“No, he ‘aint.”
“Yeah, he is.”
“Um, no, he ‘aint.”
“Listen son, I know he is ’cause only blind people wear them kind o’ sunglasses.”
“For real? So why he readin’ a newspaper then?”
Soda Drinkers
Two teens to one another:
“How do you drink a Sprite that big on the train, girl?”
“I don’t. I just sip at it.”
Interior Designers
“Now that my roommate left, I’m redecorating my apartment.”
“Oh yeah? That’s awesome!”
“Yeah, living in an off-white world got me depressed and feeling all repressed and hetero.”
“So what color scheme are you going for?”
“Um, I’m not sure yet, but definitely something strong and masculine.”
Candy Sellers
“I hate it when niggas look at you but they don’t buy no candy!”
Pair of English Tourists
“You know how the guy at the ‘otel said that we ought to go to Brooklyn because it looks just like England?
“Yeah.”
“Well, I fink the only part of England that it looks like is Brixton (a neighborhood of London) wi’v all them Jamaicans.”
“Yeah, it does a bit, luv, but there’s a lot of ’em around the ‘otel too.”
“True, but ’round Penn Station don’t remind of London.”
Nah, me neivah.”
Two Park Slope Mothers
“So, I’m annoyed that we’re running late, Kim.”
“Why? Are you in a hurry?”
“Yes, I’m in a hurry! If we don’t get to the yoga studio by 9.30, I’ll be late for my shift at the (food) co-op!”